I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize