What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
