K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
