why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
