I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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