Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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