My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
