Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
