I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
