my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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