you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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