dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
