I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
