You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
