if you like me you must not know who I am
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Im part way to drunk.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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