i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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