i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
