If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
