Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
