Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
