There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
