In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
