I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she woke up with a sticky ear
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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