apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
