I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
