just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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