Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
