Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
