if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
