I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??