so that wasnt chicken after all
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
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Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
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That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.