The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
