i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
