My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
