Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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