I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
