These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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