I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
