somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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