I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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