Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
