You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
