what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
