you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
