i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
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dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
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I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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