My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
