I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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