Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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