Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
