also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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