I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
