Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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