Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
