here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
