If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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