Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
