he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
