there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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