what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
