Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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