think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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