is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
