I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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